So, our conclusion? What are the specifications of our Goldilocks camper?

Wiki Commons: Goldilocks 1912

Wiki Commons: Goldilocks 1912


Well, Goldilocks and the Three Bears is a children's tale. Right? And like most children's tales and nursery rhymes, it's a way of getting a moral message across whilst couching the point in verbal diarrhoea.  How children are supposed to work out the point, is a mystery.

For example:

Three blind mice. Three blind mice.

See how they run. See how they run.

They all ran after the farmer's wife,

Who cut off their tails with a carving knife,

Did you ever see such a sight in your life,

As three blind mice?

Charming. And one possible origin is the execution by Queen Mary I of England of several bishops, after blinding them first. What message are we trying to pass to children?

Anyhoo. My point is [ed: there is one?], children's tales may or may not be true. Or at least not accurate. A bit like the first four parts of this guide to our Goldilocks motorhome. Yes: it's entirely possible that I just wasted hours of your life. No matter. There were some good slices of wisdom amongst the manure. All  we had to do, like Hansel and Gretel, was follow the breadcrumbs, so to speak... [ed: yeah, nice job doing that]. But we'll come back to the result.

Wiki Commons Hansel and Gretel

Wiki Commons Hansel and Gretel

Goldilocks Summary

Length 5-8 m (less is more)

Width around 2.1 - 2.3 m

Height approx. 3 m

Weight 2.5 - 5 t

Ground clearance 20 - 25 cm

Approach/departure angles approx. 20 deg

Reliable and widely available manufacturer and model

Diesel engine

Heavy duty chassis

4 wheel drive, selectable (if possible)

Comfortable driving cab with good visibility

Kitchen area, permanent bed, compact seating area, bathroom with cassette or black tank toilet (preferably with shower)

Good storage

Cool vibe

The Result of our Search

So this is the result of our epic search. A demountable camper on a Toyota Hilux. 

Some of the more observant amongst you, may notice something hanging off the back, so to speak. Yeah, well: you can do all the research you like, collect all the specifications - but if you don't actually check the precise technical statistics, you may - like us - be in for a less than pleasant surprise.

But first the good parts: are we within specifications? Help me out here, please:

Length 5 - 8 m? *
Without trailer = 5.4 m, with trailer = 7.9 m
Width 2.1 - 2.3 m? *
At widest, 2.1 m
Height approx. 3 m? *
Including solar panel, 3.1 m
Weight 2.5 - 5 t? *
3.1 t without trailer, 3.3 t total
Ground clearance *
Hilux (with raised suspension), 25 cm Trailer, err, 15cm
Approach/departure angle *
Hilux, 30 degrees both ends Trailer, about 10 departure
Reliable and available manufacturer + model *
Toyota Hilux with special suspension, shock absorbers, and additional air suspension on rear
Diesel *
It sounds like a truck, so...
Heavy duty chassis *
Can pull three tonnes, and carry another tonne - it's a one-tonne pick-up (which is not a card trick) in theory, so...
Driving position *
Sits the same height as a Land Rover Discovery, surprisingly enough. Normal windscreen.
Rooms *
No shower - correction: there is an outside shower, and a shower-head in the bathroom sink. Permanent bed over the cab. Two-hob gas stove and oven/grill. Fixed toilet with cassette.
Good storage *
Has (had) a bike rack on the back. Lots of cupboards, including a wardrobe section.
Cool vibe *
Off-road camper, in orange. Any more than one option needed?

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